if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
