worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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