I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
