So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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