I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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