I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
