i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
