I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
