theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
