my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
