Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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