I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
