the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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