Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
