This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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