I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
