GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
