Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
