its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
