my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
