I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
