I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
