I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
