Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
