you have to choose: penises or morals?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
