I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
