I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
