I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
