I skipped work to stalk him.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
