I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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