I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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