i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
