I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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