he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
