Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
