Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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