# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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