I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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