I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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