office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
