if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
