thus making me awesome and them whores
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
