Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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