ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
