I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
