I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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