Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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