Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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