I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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