What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
